Nuts & Bolts
by Fizzydrink101
Summary: Insane and crazy is how you would describe Uzumaki Naruto. When only a few years old he was tortured past his point of endurance and snapped releasing the Kyuubi. Now he will join team seven after being let out from the mental institution that he had lived his entire life in. Watch out Shinobi world, because the crazy ninja has now arrived.
1. The start

Laughes were heard all throughout the facility. Giggles of the young boy who broke from a torturous birthday of beatings and insults, hung by a tree and doused in sake only to be light on fire. That's when 'he' broke loose, the 'monster' inside him. He slaughtered the people who were watching in glee of his pain. Ripping them inside out not caring about who they were, a rampage that was filled with so much pain and sadness.

The ANBU were the only ones who could stop him with all their might. After that the child was placed in a facility for mentally insane ninjas, everyone who knew that he was put in there thought he would spend the rest of his live there.

That was until he was used for military purposes for a man named Danzo and his ROOT organization. He would do high class missions that normally ran along the lines of assassination or mass murder. When executing these missions he would wear his mask that was in the form of a red and orange fox. He was known as Kitsune to most and was listed in the bingo book just by his description.

Today he was getting a visit from the third Hokage after he found out what the Fourth's legacy was up to and decided with a select few that he will be instated as a Ninja so he could be under his watchful eye.

"Hello Naruto." The blonde boy tilted his head up, there were scars all over his face and on any visible part of his body.

Naruto giggled. "Jiji came to visit me."

"Naruto, I know what you have been up to lately. I'm not impressed but I do have a proposal. I'm going to let you out. You will go and become a Ninja."

"Really Jiji really? I thought only Danzo-Sama came to let me out and have fun." The boy giggled more hanging from his bed upside down.

"You will no longer be seeing Danzo." Sarutobi made his voice hard to show that he was not joking around with the young boy.

"Why did you take away my fun." The boy pouted trying to hide his smile by tilting his head down. "Okay I'm bored, let's leave now."

"One condition first before we leave Naruto. You can't just go and kill your team or sensei or anyone friendly people from the leaf village." Sarutobi informed.

"Villagers?" Naruto asked hopefully. "Can I please kill them please please oh please?"

"No."

"Awww."

Sarutobi sighed, upset with himself on how he failed Minato. Naruto was never supposed to turn out like this.

A male nurse with black hair opened the door and helped out the young boy who was stuck in his straitjacket, he undid the straps but the young blonde kept it on mentioning that it was warm. He had on dark blue ANBU style pants bandaged at the calf and hands no shoes. His straitjacket was white and had black buckles that dangled off the side, a white shirt underneath with colourful suspenders keeping his pants up.

The two made their way to the old ROOT hideout taking the back route to avoid people seeing Naruto and spreading rumors that he had come back to kill them, many of the Ninja that were working under Danzo were now free and working as ANBU, Naruto looked around the empty compound searching desperately for his weapon.

"Naruto was let out of the crazy house." A voice mused, Naruto turned and saw his friend Sai.

"Sai! Danzo-Sama is gone huh?" Naruto giggled. "I wanted to feel his warm blood so badly though."

"What are you doing back here dickless?" Sai asked picking up another scroll throwing it in a cardboard box.

"I came for Juno!" Naruto said throwing a locker door from it's hinges with his feet and pulling out a large scythe. "Hello Juno, I missed you!"

"Weirdo." Sai muttered leaving.

"Are you ready?" Sarutobi asked wanting to introduce the boy to his new team before the head to the chunin exams.

Naruto shook his head and took off his jacket throwing it on the ground and using his wind jutsu to cut it up completely.

"Now I'm ready. I want to met my teammates." Naruto smiled so all the teeth in his mouth showed.

* * *

Sakura and Sasuke were a bit upset that Sai had left their team but now he was in ANBU, they were very curious on who their new teammate was.

"Kakashi sensei, will he be strong enough for the chunin exams coming up?" Sakura asked.

"From what I've heard on him he should pass with flying colours. He was a top elite in Danzo's root and Sai probably worked under him." Kakashi said.

"How old is he?" Sasuke asked not believing what he was hearing.

"Your age, a bit younger, oh and here he comes."

The three looked over to see a boy walking over with the third Hokage, he was wearing dark blue ANBU style pants bandaged at the calf and hands no shoes. On the top was a white shirt untucked and he had rainbow coloured suspenders which made him look like he came from some weird foreign place.

"Kakashi here is your new student Naruto Uzumaki." Sarutobi gestured to the young blonde.

Naruto was looking at his new teammates with a big smile on his face.

"Hi, I'm Sakura."

"Sasuke." Sasuke wasn't sure how to act around the crazy looking kid, he decided it was best to be weary of him for now until he got to know him.

"Let's go! Exam time, I've always wanted to take a test. Jiji do I get to kill people in the exam?" Naruto hopped around eager for a response.

"Are you kidding me?" Sasuke asked. He was not expecting anything the blonde just said to come from his mouth.

"How about this, you can only kill people that Sakura and Sasuke say you can."

"Oh, let it be everyone!" Naruto grabbed Sakura's hand and ran towards the exam room eager to start.

The three entered the room where everybody was crowded up at one door, Sasuke and Sakura stopped but Naruto kept walking.

"Where are you going crazy?" Sasuke asked.

"This is not the room we need silly, it should be on the next floor, these idiots are guarding a room for fun." Naruto giggled surprising everybody around him. He kept going skipping up the stairs his teammates following with confused looks.

They entered the room and all eyes locked onto them. Naruto's eyes lit up when he saw a certain Suna Ninja.

"Gaara!" He ran forward falling to the floor in a hug.

"Get off me or I will kill you."

"Oh I missed you sooooo much!" Naruto laughed getting of his friend.

"Mother wants your blood Naruto."

"I want yours too, watch out. I really want to kill you this time." Their conversation was quiet all for the part where Naruto yelled Gaara's name. Sasuke and everyone else in the room were wondering what the two were talking about.

Gaara looked to his friend with a confused look. "I thought that you were working for that guy. What are you doing with a gennin team?"

"Danzo-Sama got rooted out." Naruto then laughed. "See what I did there. Rooted out."

Gaara sighed. "Get out of here before I kill you for your stupidity."

"I'll see you later Gaara." Naruto walked back over to his team who were with many other people his age and a man with white hair who smelled of snakes.

"Naruto Uzumaki. 9 S rank 27 A rank 5 B rank and 4 SS rank. Uses weapon Juno... No information on the weapon. Mostly Ninjutsu and Taijutsu, well balance in everything really."

"How could he have no D rank?" Sasuke asked outloud.

"Ohh what are we looking at?" Naruto asked everyone.

"You." Sasuke said.

"Where are you from Naruto? I've never seen you around before." Rock Lee asked.

"Oh I lived in this big white building with these nice people, well there are nice most of the time. I lived there when not on missions with Danzo-Sama." Naruto laughed not seeing the person who asked the question.

"You were in ROOT?" Kiba asked astonished that he was working for the same guy Sai had been with.

Naruto giggled. "Yeah, I go do fun things for Danzo-Sama like go kill people. I want to kill all of you but only if Sasuke and Sakura let me. That's what Jiji said anyway."

Ino was about to speak about how outrageously crazy Naruto was but was interrupted when the first test started.

"You have an hour to fill out all of these questions. If you cheat then you are out." The man said. Naruto couldn't help but stare at him. He had two long scars running down his face, it made Naruto touch his own and sighed. He then picked up the picture and started getting to work on his masterpiece.

Many of the Gennin had started off with trouble, getting ratted out for cheating. Part way through the exam Naruto raised his hand and Ibiki came over with a questioning look on his face.

"Um, Mr Ibiki sir. I have a question." Naruto whispered into the older mans ear.

"I am assuming that's why you raised your hand Mr Uzumaki." Ibiki whispered back.

"Well, this is embarrassing. I seemed to have forgotten my colouring pencils today. Do you have an extra pack on you at the moment?" Naruto scratched the back of his head in embarrassment.

"I totally forgot to being mine today with all this commotion. Next time defiantly."

All of the rookie teams got through but what surprised Ikibi was the fact that Naruto drew pictures all over the test sheet, pictures with no colour. The fact of what they were of disturbed him, they were drawings of the village on fire hanging from a tree. He felt sorry for the boy knowing what had happened to him in his short life.

Then a woman came through the window. "Well brats! Let's move on to the second portion of the exam!"

Naruto giggled. "Nice boobs."

The woman glared at the boy. "What did you say brat?"

Naruto looked away and hid behind the girl he was sitting next to. She freaked out and started stuttering at a rapid pace. "Um-um-u-m. W-w-wh-at ar-r-re y-ou do-oing?"

"Sorry." Naruto apologized reaching his hand out to the girl. "I'm Naruto."

"Hi-na-ta."

"Enough with the talk and let's get going!"


	2. Butterfly

"Now we are in the forest of death or training ground 44 as it is formally known, you have either a heaven scroll or earth scroll. Find the opposite to what you have and then move to the tower in the middle.

"Yay!" Naruto jumped up and down holding the scroll. "Mrs Anko! Mrs Anko!"

"What do you want brat!" Anko yelled.

"I have a question about the rules!" Naruto was still jumping like a lunatic.

"I stated the rules! Why didn't you listen!?"

Naruto got quiet and and hid behind Sakura like a little kid. "Can...I...I...Kill people?"

Anko laughed. "Of course you can kill people!"

Naruto giggled and walked up to the gate that his team was going to start at. When it opened they ran through and set out to find the other scroll.

After a while of running Naruto stopped dead in his tracks.

"What's wrong Naruto?" Sakura asked.

"I... I smell a snake." Naruto said looking around.

Sasuke scoffed. "Well there are bound to be snakes. It is a forest idiot."

"Orochi?" Naruto asked.

A laugh came above, a woman was standing there with a huge smile on her face. "Now I couldn't be sure because you aren't wearing a mask, but it has to be little Kitsune."

"It is you!" Naruto giggled.

"Um, Naruto. Who is that woman?" Sakura backed up a bit.

"That's not a woman. That's Orochimaru, one of the three legendary Sannin and a missing nin." Naruto giggles some more. "He was in this group called the Akatsuki, your brother is in that group Sasuke... I think."

"What did you just say about my brother?" Sasuke put his fist near Naruto's face.

"He's right Sasuke-kun, but sadly I left that group and never got my sharingan." The woman trailed off. "Looks like it will be difficult for me to get yours with that crazy fox with you. Well the least I can do is give you a parting gift until I see you again."

The pale woman ran towards Sasuke with lightning speed but was intercepted by a laughing Naruto. "Why won't you play with me Orochi?"

"I do hate that nickname Naru."

Naruto laughed at the nickname Orochimaru had given him. He looked back at his teammates with red slitted eyes. "Run."

* * *

"Kage bushin no jutsu." Five other Naruto's appeared and ran forward at the missing nin.

Orochimaru countered with about a dozen snaked flying out of his sleeve. "Let's get down to it. Kit-su-ne."

The two fought neck and neck, Orochimaru had shown, well more like peeled away his skin to show his real face while Naruto had yet to use his nine tails cloak or pull out Juno. The two kept fighting until a few ANBU and Anko showed up watching the fight go down.

"How is that kid keeping up with someone of that caliber?" One of the ANBU asked.

Anko sighed. "He's the jinchuuriki of the Nine tailed fox."

Almost everyone around her gasped. They all remember that night like it was yesterday. They all snapped out of the memory when Orochimaru went flying through a tree and a giggle was heard.

"I thought you would have improved from last time."

"Brat." Orochimaru spat getting up from the remains of the tree.

Naruto looked over at the ANBU and Anko to wave at them. "Hi!"

"Naruto we can take it from here." Anko said.

Naruto nodded and hopped of. "Bye bye Orochi."

Orochimaru sneered and ran off from the scene, ANBU giving chase after him.

Sakura ran over to Naruto when he appeared from the trees.

"I was worried about you." She cried.

Naruto looked at Sakura for a while squinting his eyes, he hadn't been gone that long. "Did you do something with your hair?"

He then looked around to see some of the Genin from before.

The blonde one who's name that he had heard was Ino came forward. "She did you crazy fool."

Naruto looked Ino straight in the face. The stayed like that for a while neither of them admitting defeat.

"Both of you are acting quite unyouthful!" Naruto looked to the side to see an older boy dressed in all green spandex and eyebrows the thickness of Sasuke's ego.

Naruto got close to the green creature. "What even are you?"

"I am the youthful ROCK-LEE!" The boy said with a river of tears running down his face. "Gai Sensei."

Naruto nodded and looked over at Sasuke who wouldn't stop staring at him. He walked over to the brooding figure and wrapped his arms around him.

"Get off you idiot!" Sasuke yelled.

"But we're teammates! We are supposed to hug." Naruto snuggled closer into Sasuke. "I'm sorry I upset you by mentioning your brother."

Sasuke sighed. "Forget about it."

"He's not all that bad, it's his partner I don't like. Ew. He's a blue fish." Naruto visibly gagged. "He told me that if I ever saw you. He loves you."

"I don't care about him, all I want is my revenge." Sasuke snarled.

A loud slap was heard radiation through the forest. Sasuke had his hand against his now red cheek. "Why did you do that?"

"Revenge is not the answer!" Naruto yelled.

"How would you know?!" Sasuke yelled back.

"If I choose the path of revenge right this second. I would have to murder this entire village!" Naruto sobbed. "The whole world!"

Sasuke looked at the blonde. He hadn't seen him so serious.

"I'm sorry Naruto."

Naruto looked at Sasuke through blurred eyes. "Just promise me you won't follow this path."

Sasuke scoffed. "I'm not promising anything."

"Ohh a butterfly!" Naruto ran now distracted from conversation they were just having. Almost like it never happened. Sasuke looked at the crazy blonde. "You aren't going to catch it."

Naruto smiled wide. "Who said I wanted to catch it?"

The blonde whipped out a gigantic scythe and hurled it at the defenceless butterfly. Sakura went to go bash him on the head while the others laughed at the drastic measures that Naruto had taken. Sasuke frowned. He thought back to when they looked him up. Was this Juno? He hadn't used pulled it out before, so why would he reveal his weapon for a butterfly?

Review for the cats. :3

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

-Fizzydrink101


	3. Meow Meow Neko-Chan

Sorry about the wait. I got a little distracted with other fics. The crazy ninja is back!

* * *

Team seven was heading towards the main tower in the middle while Naruto had two butterfly wings clamped in his hands while he galloped alongside Sasuke. He made swooshing noises each time he ran in front of the raven haired boy who just ignored him.

"You really are an idiot." Sasuke said hoping to just get to the tower before anyone else.

"I wonder what butterfly taste like?" Naruto whispered to himself, his eyes wide with wonder and curiosity about the question he had just conjured.

Sakura stared at the blonde with wide eyes. "Naruto you can't eat a dead butterfly."

Naruto looked at Sakura with a cheeky grin growing on his face and slowly raised the torn butterfly to his mouth. "Gobble gobble." He whispered and bit down on the majestic being.

Sasuke looked over at the scene disgusted at what had just happened. "Did you really just eat that dobe?"

"I did! I did eat it!" Naruto jumped around. "Want to taste it Sasuke?"

"Are you going to find another butterfly?" Sasuke asked. "Even if you do I won't ea-"

Sasuke was cut off by Naruto giving him a kiss, his first kiss.

"Did you taste the butterfly Sasuke?" Naruto had a biggest smile on his face while both Sakura and Sasuke looked disgusted.

"Why did you kiss him Naruto?" Sakura shouted.

Naruto shrugged looking confused at why Sasuke and Sakura were upset with him. "I was just letting him taste the butterfly."

Sasuke spat into a bush then turned to keep going in the direction of the tower. When they did finally arrive they were met with the team from Suna.

"Gaara!" Naruto yelled at the redhead. "Gaara I ate a butterfly!"

Gaara ignored him and kept walking into the tower with Naruto trailing right behind him telling of his encounter with a butterfly. "And then I made Sasuke taste the butterfly."

This made Gaara raise an nonexistent eyebrow. How did Naruto make Sasuke taste the butterfly if Naruto had already eaten it... His eyes widened. "You kissed the Uchiha?"

Naruto didn't understand. "I was letting him taste it... I didn't kiss him."

"Naruto, you kissed him." Temari smiled.

"I did not!" Naruto argued back. He then sat on the floor and pouted. "I didn't."

* * *

It was a few days until all the teams had arrived and were ready for the next phase of the exam. The proctor was on the ground while the participants were all on the railing above.

"Now we will have preliminaries since there are way too many participants here, so we are going to thin it down a bit." The proctor said. "We will now proceed with the fights. First will be Uchiha Sasuke VS Yoroi Akadō."

Sasuke jumped down and faced his opponent. Both his eyes and mouth were not visible almost as if he were hiding behind it. As the match started Naruto dozed off.

* * *

"Next. Inuzuka Kiba Vs Uzumaki Naruto."

That's when everyone noticed that Naruto had fallen asleep. Sakura nudged him awake. "Naruto, it's your turn to fight."

Naruto stood up and fell over the railing. He just smiled and walked over to where the fight was going to start.

"Start."

Kiba got into a defensive stance while Naruto got down on all fours.

"What are you doing?" Kiba asked tilting his head to the side.

Naruto grinned. "Meow."

The whole arena was silent. "What are you doing you idiot? Get up and fight me!" Kiba yelled.

Naruto rolled over, his eyes catching on the puppy beside his opponent. "Ohhh, I wonder what puppy taste like..." He then looked at the horrified face of Kiba. "Oi Kiba, do you think there is a difference between Puppy and full grown dog?"

Kiba was shocked. "You are insane. You don't eat dogs!"

"Hey are you two going to fight yet?" A ninja yelled from over the railing.

Naruto grinned and ran forward appearing behind Kiba with super speed. "Meow meow neko-chan."

Kiba started to turn around when suddenly Naruto kicked him across to the other side of the room with a large dust cloud accompanying the boy. Akamaru ran over towards his owner in a panicked state.

"No puppy come to me!" Naruto whinned. He sat down and pouted. Did the dog dislike him because his spirit animal was a cat. No it was a butterfly. Or was it a fox? Naruto shrugged and waiting to see what would happen next in the fight.

The proctor went over to see if Kiba was unconscious but was met with an attack by the Inuzuka aimed straight at the crazy ninja.

"Gatsuga!"

Naruto smiled widely. "Yay! Let's play! Meow Meow!"

Kiba pierced the spot where Naruto was standing. Looking around he saw the crazy ninja was just a few feet away.

"You have to chase me! You are the dog and I'm Neko-chan!" Naruto smiled and clasped his hands together. "Futon: Butterfly razors!"

Two butterfly shaped blades of air came whirling at the owner and his dog giving them very deep cuts that started to bleed profusely.

"Let's keep playing!" Naruto smiled wider until Sakura shouted at him.

"Naruto remember what Jiji told you!" She hoped the blonde would understand.

Naruto was just about to drop a shuriken on Kiba's neck when he was intercepted by a woman with beading red eyes,

"I cannot let this match continue." She looked down at her student.

Naruto pouted then perked up in an instant. "Then we wait till next time! Get better soon doggy boy."

"Winner... Uzumaki Naruto..." The proctor glanced uneasily at the blonde who was now skipping his way back up to his friends.

"Sasuke!" Naruto yelled but did not see his friend. "Where is Sasuke?"

"Infirmary." Sakura said behind him. "I think he's fine, just a few scratches."

"I really wanted Sasuke to see my match. I made a butterfly wind thing for him... Thing... Jutsu..." Naruto giggled. "I can't remember!"

"Naruto you certainly are a weird one." Kakashi sighed.

* * *

It was almost a week after the fights and Naruto was walking around some of the bath houses looking for his sensei that he was to be training with.

"Closet Perv?" He called out. "Where did you go?"

The young blonde looked around some more until he saw his sensei passed out in front of a man on a huge frog.

"Sensei you were taken out by a frog? Shame on you." Naruto turned his attention to the man on the frog. "I wonder what frog tastes like."

-Fizzydrink101


	4. Kidnapped?

Quick note: This will not be a yaoi. I do really like yaoi but Naruto is too weird to be in a relationship in this fic. BUT, there can always be subtext.

-Enjoy

* * *

"What my toad tastes like?" The man on top of the amphibian asked. "Why would you wonder that?"

Naruto smiled. "Would you let me try?"

"Look here little blondie, I'm trying to spy on some woman here for inspiration. Could you leave me be?" The man turned his attention back to the bathhouse.

"What kind of inspiration are you looking for?" Naruto tilted his head to the side in confusion.

"Not something that you need at your age." The white haired man said ignoring Naruto again.

"I'll go find out." Naruto said as he clasped his hands together creating a puff of smoke. Much to the older man's delight, there stood a girl with clouds floating around the most private parts of the feminine body. "If I am going to have to find your inspiration I will need a disguise."

The man had a massive nosebleed going as the young blonde walked into the bath house.

Naruto on the other hand was having a hard time finding this inspiration thing that the man was looking for, he could only naked women.

"Hello dear." A voice came from behind him. "Do you need help?"

"Help with what?" Naruto asked confused.

"With washing yourself." The older woman smiled and held up a soapy wash cloth.

Naruto smiled, nobody had ever washed him before. "I would love that miss."

So the older woman, who identified herself as Koharu Utatane from the village council, brought the washcloth up to Naruto's back and started to scrub it, the boy sighed, he liked this feeling. The feeling of being cared for.

"You know Mrs Utatane, Nobody has ever washed my back before. Thank you so much." Naruto smiled at the older woman.

She poured a bucket of water over Naruto's back then one more time after that with the remaining bubbles. After a while Naruto thought that he was clean for the time being and thanked the old woman for washing him once more. He then grabbed a towel and walked out of the bathhouse and to the white haired man who was scribbling down on a pad of paper with determination in his eyes.

"Wow son, that was some true inspiration there."

"I'm Naruto. What's your name Mr Pervert?"

The man got to the top of his toad and posed. "I am the Legendary Toad Sannin Jiraiya!"

Naruto's eyes widened. "Ahh, so you are a Pervy Sage."

"What did you say brat?" Jiraiya looked close to pissed.

Naruto smiled widely. "I was told about you Mr Legendary Sannin. You were partners with my favourite missing ninja!"

Jiraiya looked a little shocked. Did kids these days have favourite missing nins? "Who would that be?"

"Orochimaru!" Naruto fell over in laughter. "Do you have any other missing nin team mates?"

Jiraiya smirked. The kid was a weird one. "So I heard a little rumor that you are going through the chunin exams."

"I am! My team and I, well one of my members failed her fight. She's weak." Naruto pulled out a scroll from his back pocket and started to rip it to pieces. "It's just me and my friend Sasuke. Well I think he is my friend..."

"Are you both having a hard time together?" Jiraiya asked.

"Well, he want to follow this unjust and dirty path that won't get him anywhere." Naruto scowled. "I hate anyone who thinks that revenge is a good answer."

Jiraiya looked over to the hokage faces on the mountain side. "Ahh, you probably hate me right now huh Minato? Don't worry, I'll make things better."

"What did you say?" Naruto asked getting up from the ground.

"Oh, um. I'm going to train you!"

"Really! What are you going to teach me?"

"The art of summoning." Jiraiya gave the blonde a thumbs up.

Naruto smirked. "I already have a summoning contract."

Jiraiya raised an eyebrow, was this the work of Danzo? "What contract."

Naruto bit his thumb and skillfully ran through hand signs to end up on the ground with a puff of smoke. Jiraiya's eyes widened. There in front of his was a fox.

Naruto smiled. "This is my fox. Well not the big fox." He giggled. "No, Kyuubi can only be summoned when I really need it."

"You have spoken with the fox?" Jiraiya asked.

"Yep, he's a grumpy old thing." Naruto's eyes widened. "You never let me taste the frog!"

Jiraiya laughed. "Well if you want I can get you some of Ma toads cooking."

"Ma toad?" Naruto scratched his head. "Is her cooking good?"

"It's toad food Naruto, of course it taste like shit." Jiraiya said.

"So what are you going to teach me?"

"Let's spar."

The two walked out to the middle of a field and got into a fighting stance. Naruto slumped his shoulder and walked off back to town. Jiraiya look at the boy as he walked off. They were going to fight, he saw determination in the young blondes eyes but then he was just gone. So the older man decided to follow his godson.

The boy weaved between alleyways and streets that were not crowded. An ANBU appeared beside Jiraiya informing that the Hokage had to see him for an important matter. He nodded and went off to see his sensei.

"Jiraiya." Sarutobi greeted his student.

"You look old." Jiraiya replied.

"I'm going to get straight to the point, I got intel that Iwa has spies in town looking for the fourth's legacy."

Jiraiya's eyes widened. They were looking for Naruto.

* * *

Naruto was looking for a toad. A plain and simple toad. He was at a creek that he had seen many amphibians at before.

"Well would you look at this, he is an exact replica of the yellow flash." A voice came from behind the blonde.

Naruto turned around to see a group of ninjas that had headbands from Iwagakure, Konoha's enemy village. He smiled. "Hello, come to visit for the lovely creek scenery?" He asked gesturing to the water.

"No, we are here for you punk. You are Naruto right?" The one in the front came forward.

"Me?" Naruto pointed to himself. "Why?"

"You are the son of the fourth Hokage!" A very small ninja walked up to him point to his hair.

Naruto scratched his head and looked over to the hokage rocks. "Like him?" He asked pointing to the face of the fourth.

"YES!" They all yelled.

"I don't see a resemblance, he is a rock." Naruto giggled, then stopped with a very serious face. "Am I a rock?"

"Well I would hope not." One of the Iwa ninja laughed. "You are an idiot, now it's time to be kidnapped."

Naruto scratched the back of his head again accompanied with a small giggle. "Well you see, I have a few things I have to do in Konoha first before I can be kidnapped. I need to eat a toad, then finish the chunin exams then kill some people."

"Sounds like a list, too bad you won't be able to complete it." The short one laughed.

"Ahh, but I really want to. You are enemy nin right? So can you just reschedule the kidnapping for like a month later?" Naruto asked pulling out a scroll. "Look, here is my address, come see me when I'm less busy with stuff." Then he walked off.

The Iwa nin just stood there. "I'm sorry but what just happened?"

"I think that our target just have us his address and told us to kidnap him later."

Then out of the trees appeared Jiraiya who saw the Iwa nin standing there with confused looks on their faces. "Where is Naruto?"

"Um, he walked off after giving us his address." Shorty said. "He told us to come back at a later date because he was busy with... Things."

"Sounds like Naruto, so what are you doing?" Jiraiya asked.

"We will... be back later?" The Ninja just stood there not quite sure what to do. They looked at each other then were off back to Iwa so they could inform their Kage about the boy and why they did not return with him in their grasps.

Jiraiya sighed and made his way to over where Naruto was, which was only a small length down the creek. The boy was engrossed in looking for something.

"What are you doing Naruto?" Jiraiya asked, he was furious. "You gave your address to enemy Ninja!"

Naruto smiled at the older man. "Don't worry, they will come back later."

The man's eyes widened. "You are insane Naruto, they want to kidnap you! And you told them exactly where to find you!"

Naruto was confused. "Well yeah, they want to kidnap me Pervy Sage. They need to know where I am to accomplish their task."

"You want to be kidnapped?"

"Well I think it could be a fun adventure." Naruto said jumping into the water with a cry. He stood up with a frog in his hand. "Mission complete."

"That's a frog, not a toad." Jiraiya sighed.

"What?" Naruto asked. "Well I'm interested about frogs now."

"You wouldn't." Jiraiya eyed the boy.

"Don't underestimate me Pervy Sage." Naruto giggled then smiled wide showing teeth.

"How did you get this way? No sensible person would act like this."

"Oh oh story time." Naruto smiled and sat down with the frog in his arms that he had started to stroke. "Once upon a time there was a Naruto. Now this Naruto was very innocent, and while it was his birthday some meanie villagers came into his house and decided that he was a firework. Tell me something, do I look like a firework?"

Jiraiya shook his head no.

"I didn't think so. Anyway before I was a firework I was a sake cup. I'm not a cup. So remember the order. Sake cup, then firework."

"I'm sorry Naruto." Jiraiya said with his head down.

"Don't worry. I have my new friend here." Naruto looked down to the frog. "I shall name him... Evil ninja."

"I thought you were going to eat him." Jiraiya thought.

"Not yet." Naruto giggled. "But soon. I'm off to go fina Gaara. He's having trouble with." He pointed to his stomach and giggled.

The blonde ran off to go find his friend which was not hard. The depressed boy was sitting on top of a building. Naruto frowned and went to sit with his friend. "Gaara?"

"Mother wants your blood Naruto." Gaara gripped his head and hissed in pain.

"You should get that checked out, I'm saving my blood for the right person." Naruto laughed leaning back. He fell back but his collar of his button up shirt was caught by Gaara. "Wow, thanks Gaara, you saved me there."

"Don't know why I bothered." The redhead sneered.

"Because deep down in your heart you know that we are brothers. We could do that wax thing!"

"I am not burning myself for you Naruto."

"Not yet, but you will someday." Naruto tossed a scroll to his friend. "GO to this person, he is in the village and is good with seals. Don't let your mother out during the next part of the exams, she scares me. Anyway, I'm going to sleep until it's time to fight, see you later."

* * *

 **Roughly a month later**

"And now we will start the fights. First fight Hyuuga Neji and Uzumaki Naruto."

Naruto stepped forward and faced his opponent. "Prepare to get screwed Neji."

Neji did not laugh.

"See what I did there. You name means screw." Naruto giggled. "Wow, I am just too funny."

"Can we start?" Neji asked.

The proctor nodded. "Start."

-Fizzydrink101


	5. Keistered hammer!

Hi everybody. I just had really good ideas for the next chapter so I did it early. Thanks for the reviews, they really do help me shape what the story is and it will become. Next chapter will be longer. :D

-Enjoy

* * *

"Why does nobody get my humor?" Naruto asked himself aloud, he reached into his deep pockets and pulled out Evil Ninja, his frog that he found at the creek side. "Neji this is Evil Ninja. He's going to be fighting for me."

"Fighting for you?" Neji asked.

"Yep, I taught him how to fight over the past month." Naruto smiled and set Evil Ninja down on the ground. "Now attack!"

The crowd and Neji stood there as the frog hopped forward. Neji walked forward past the frog in front of Naruto.

"Let's fight, I don't want any shenanigans that you portrayed when you fought Kiba. Give me a true fight."

Naruto scratched his chin and went to pick up his frog. "So you want to fight me and not Evil Ninja?"

"Exactly."

The blonde picked up the frog and placed him on his head then pulled out a hammer. "Keistered hammer!" Some of the villagers threw up over the side while Gaara smirked. "So he finally reveals his hidden weapon."

Naruto charged forward singing words that seemed inaudible. He threw a punch which Neji easily dodged.

"Wow, you are pretty fast." Suddenly an egg his Naruto strait in the head. He looked up in the crowd where a man was standing with many more eggs in his hand.

"Demon!" He shouted.

Naruto sifted the egg out of his hair and licked it off his finger seductively at the villager, running his tongue across the top of his teeth. He then looked over to the Kage box where Sarutobi was sitting. The third shook his head knowing the the blonde was itching to kill the man. Naruto just smiled back, raw egg dribbling out of the side of his mouth. "Evil Ninja attack!"

He threw the green frog full force at the man and X marked the spot as Evil Ninja clung to the man's face. "I hope you like poisonous frog you fucking dolt."

Neji took the chance to attack Naruto hitting multiple of his chakra points located on his arm. Naruto drew back his arm with a hiss.

"Bitch! That really hurt." He whinned and threw a kick to Neji making skid back a couple feet.

"Do not underestimate me, not forget that I am here. Fight me!" Neji yelled.

Naruto giggled and picked his hammer back up from the ground. "Come get me screw screw."

Neji ran forward hitting more chakra points, Naruto swung his arm around hitting the hammer into the Hyuuga's head causing his headband to fall off. There in it's place was some sort of tattoo.

"Nice tats." Naruto smiled.

"This not something to be proud of, it's a brand. I'm am from the branch family of the Hyuuga. This is the caged bird seal and-"

Naruto cut him off. "Look, I like a good story time, but now a whole back story. All of us have seals that define who we are." He pulled up the bottom of his shirt and showed Neji his seal that held the nine tails. He walked forward to get close to the older boy. "And you know what? I don't care..."

Naruto brought the hammer down hard on Neji's head, the boy fell to the ground. "We. * _Hammer hit*_ Don't. _*Hammer hit*_ Let. _*Hammer hit*_ Our past. _*Hammer hit*_ Define who we are!"

Naruto stood there with a wide grin as he touched the blood leaking out from Neji's head and started to sing. "So read and pretty, like the villagers that I want to slaughter! BUT Jiji has a Uchiha stick up his butt!"

The proctor ran over to call the match as Naruto raised his hammer above his head. "The match is to be stopped! Neji Hyuuga is unable to continue!"

In the stands many of the Hyuuga were on the tips of their feet wondering if one of their youngest was about to die.

A hand connected with Naruto's before he could bring it down. He looked up to see Kakashi. "You are done Naruto."

Naruto frowned, he hadn't killed anyone in a while and he was getting an itch, and anytime he got an itch. Massacre.

A ninja ran into the middle of the arena. "Sound and Iwa ninja are attacking!"

All hell broke loose as people were scrambling everywhere. Up in the Kage box the Hokage looked over to the Sound Kage who revealed himself no other than Orochimaru.

"Orochi is here!" Naruto giggled leaning into Kakashi's side. "Sensei what do we do?"

"Well Naruto, looks like we need your talent of Massacre. Be free Willy, go forth and kill all the Iwa ninja!"

Naruto's smile got the biggest anyone had ever seen it. "Permission is always good to have before killing." He pulled out a kitsune mask that had been hanging on his hip the entire time for cases like this and placed it on his head. "You can't spell murder without fun!"

Kakashi scratched the back of his head. "Um, Naruto. That doesn't make any sense."

"Don't worry about it." Naruto pulled some more egg from his hair and plopped it in his mouth. "Juno and I will protect Konoha."

He whipped out his scythe and gave it a quick kiss. "We can have a spa day after this Juno my dear, just the two of us, and maybe Gaara."

The blonde looked over to his redheaded friend. "Gaara! After I kill everybody, you, me, and Juno baby are going to have a spa day together!"

Gaara smirked. "What you and Juno do in your own time, keep it to yourself. I don't want to get tangled in your weapon fantasies."

Naruto frowned. He saw enemy ninja and grinned under his mask while he started to sing one of his favourite songs. " _Tiptoe through the window. By the window, that is where I'll be. Come tiptoe through the tulips with me."_

While he clicked his tongue on the roof of his mouth, he was decapitating any enemy ninja that he came across, not his frog enemy ninja of course, but the ones that were invading. Obviously.

-Fizzydrink101


	6. Meet my brother

100 follows. Whaat? You guys are so cool. I love all of your reviews so much, and Fhane! Not only did you call me batshit crazy which I 100% agree with but you are also lucky number 100! Yay, let's all go have a spa day with Juno and Naruto! And little sister I told you that if you read that one chapter I would update this, no help from this fat cat in my way.

Love you all.

-Enjoy

* * *

It wasn't like this was new to him. Killing people just made him even more happier then bashing people on the head. That was not much fun at all. The blonde stopped straight in his tracks.

Where in the world was Evil Ninja?

"Naruto?" The voice came from Gaara who had been following him since he left the arena.

"Gaara!" Naruto gushed, he bent over his knees. "Oh Gaara something bad happened!"

"I know! Enemy ninja are attacking your village!" Gaara looked around at the dead bodies that littered the ground.

"No! Not that!" Naruto yelled very annoyed that Gaara didn't know what he was upset about. "I lost Evil Ninja!"

"That's what you are concerned about right now?"

"Yes!" Naruto cried out, "That villager must have him. Fuck!"

"Are you really more concerned about finding a frog over saving this village?"

"This village can go to hell."

"Practice what you preach Naruto. I remember a certain someone telling the Uchiha about revenge." Gaara smirked at Naruto's giggle. "Now you go off and help slaughter people while I go find your frog."

"Thank you Gaara! Oh thank you thank you!"

"Get off me and go you idiot and go."

* * *

Naruto continued forward until he found himself at an area where a huge force field covered a roof, inside of the barrier was Sarutobi the third hokage and Orochimaru his favourite missing ninja.

The walked up towards some of the elite ANBU and asked what they were doing.

"Orochimaru trapped him!" One shouted. "The snake is going to kill him and there is no way that we can get in."

Naruto grinned, now this was entertainment! Sure killing people was a blast, but watching others try to kill each other was way better. The struggle of the loser that Naruto's favorite part, the life leaving their eyes as they know that their death was upon them.

"Go Jiji! I want to see the life leave the snake eyes" He giggled and turned to the ANBU. "Do you think that Orochi has real snake eyes?"

They both shrugged. "I don't really know, but we need to find a way in so we can save the third!"

"Can't we watch just a little bit longer?"

"Absolutely not."

Naruto sighed. It was difficult to see what was going on with all that foliage that had started to grow. There had to be a way in, there just had to be. There was no way for him to kill those who were keeping the barrier up.

Sides? No.

The top? Looked also covered.

Bottom... The blondes eyes widened. They were on a roof and there was damage to it meaning that there couldn't be a barrier on the bottom.

"I'll go save jiji." Naruto said waving goodbye to the ANBU who wore confused looks.

He hopped down from the roof and walked into the empty building that he thought would get him to Orochi. He gave a short blast of wind that smashed it's way up through the brick, he jumped up scraping his arm on a bit of rubble.

"Ow ow ow." He blew on it a bit but it seemed to only make it worse. He turned to see the ANBU there with wide eyes, he smiled and gave them a small wave.

Turning he saw Sarutobi on the ground unresponsive and Orochimaru standing there breathing hard with his arms slack by his side.

"Jiji I'm here!" Naruto yelled. "I would have come with Evil Ninja, but I lost him!"

"He can't hear you Naru." Orochimaru smirked at the young boy in front of him.

"Why can't he hear me?"

"That's because I killed him."

The two stood there for a minute looking at each other. Blue eyes stayed locked with those of a snake.

"Dead?" Naruto asked, he averted his gaze to his grandfather.

"That's right." Orochimaru laughed. "I killed him, now you have nobody."

A giggle sprouted from the boy. "Orochi you bad snake! You don't kill people, bad bad bad. Do I have to teach you a lesson with my brother?"

"Brother?"

"I'm not as alone as you think I am."

Red chakra swirled around the blonde making his features much more defined. Killer intent washed over the older man, it was strong, it showed that he was not messing around.

"Next month I am to be kidnapped by Iwa, so I won't have anytime for you." Naruto explained as he got down on all fours. "I have fought you way too many times, but my brother wants to say hello."

His eyes slitted over red and a grin appeared splitting his mouth making it so his smile seemed even wider.

" **I've been waiting for this."**

Orochimaru's eyes widened as he figured out just who the boy was talking about. The Kyuubi.

The fox rushed forward and caught the snake in a grip. " **I have always wondered what human tasted like, but I guess you are more snake."**

Orochimaru had to counter. "Chakra scalpel."

Using his hands he swung a limp arm around and cut through the kitsunes neck causing him to jerk back in pain. It healed quickly though, the skin seemed to knit itself back into place only leaving dried blood in it's place.

"Temporary Paralysis Technique!" That came from a follower who had now let the barrier down. They took Orochimaru into their arms.

Naruto, or Kyuubi stopped in their tracks. " **Damn you snake."**

"Maybe I'll see you later stupid fox."

The jutsu was released and the blonde walked over to where the third was still laying. His blood was still leaking out of his old body and it smelled to the blonde absolutely delicious. The cloak of red chakra disintegrated back into his body as he crouched down in the puddle of blood. He giggled.

"Well at least your blood is still warm."

Okay it was short but I'm going to do a mattress fundraiser for my school band. (Yay for Jazz!) I'll make sure to get the next chapter none this next week, nice and long too.

-Fizzydrink101


	7. Sand Dunes

A fucking mattress fundraiser! I know! Happy furry appreciation day! Tonight I will be watching the walking dead, what will you all be doing? This chapter made me laugh, I put some subtext in for those who like it and I made a Dexter joke*. (I also like Gaanaru.)

Also would you like me to start replying to reviews? Yes? No?

Please enjoy.

* * *

By the time Kakashi and others got to Naruto he was absolutely covered in the thirds blood. The blonde was holding the dead man's hand and telling him a story about grass and cows. Gaara walked forward and passed Naruto his frog.

The blonde smiled as he took the amphibian into his grasps. "You found evil ninja!"

"I did, are you happy?"

Naruto jumped forward towards Gaara wanting to hug him, but the redhead side stepped. "I don't want to be covered in all that blood."

He looked down at himself and sighed. "I love bathing in blood though, you should try it Gaara."

"How about we get you cleaned up?" Kakashi smiled under his mask. "We can get you into a big bath and wash all this blood off you alright?"

Naruto stood there for a minute thinking with his hands on his hips. "Only if Gaara is in the bath with me!"

Gaara coughed in surprise as did Kakashi and anyone standing in ear shot of what the blonde had just said.

Gaara frantically moved his arms in a motion of no, "Naruto I am your friend but I will not take a bath with you."

"Why not? Kankuro can come too."

"Do not drag me into this!" Kankuro shouted getting red in the face. In rage or embarrassment, no one will ever know.

Kakashi grinned. "Come on, we can't have you walking around covered in blood for the rest of the day. The villagers are weary enough when you walk around clean."

Naruto crossed his arms in defiance. "I will not bathe until Gaara agrees to take a bath with me."

"Well you will be waiting a long time." Gaara smirked.

Naruto walked up to him and took Gaara's hands into his own. "I'll wait for as long as you need me to babe." He giggled and picked up Juno. "I'll be waiting for your call."

He skipped down off the roof and through the streets where people gasped when they laid eyes on his bloody form. They threw stones and rubbish at him, harsh words were spit at him in return? He waved. Deep down it did hurt that they would never accept him, but he would have to make do with what he has.

"Naruto?"

The blonde tuned to see Sasuke standing in front of him with a concerned look.

"What's with all the blood?"

"Oh, Jiji died. Orochi killed him and I almost killed him.. Well I didn't almost kill him but Kyu-"

"What do you mean the Third Hokage is dead?" Sasuke interrupted.

Naruto sighed. "I just told you Sasuke. He is dead. Orochimaru, my favourite missing ninja killed him. You know, the one who wanted to give you a hickey." The blonde... The redhead started to walk away when his arm was caught by his teammate. Sasuke immediately pulled back his hand in shock and Naruto giggled in response.

"I should have warned you, it's still drying." He smiled more and walked off leaving a conflicted Sasuke behind.

So he went off skipping through the streets off to get some ramen, but he had a sneaking suspicion that somebody was following him. He turned around and saw a box that seemed to move every time he turned around.

"Who is under the box that is in the middle of the street but keeps moving everytime I turn around?"

The box flipped over and under it was three small children.

"I'm Moegi!"

"Udon..."

"And I am the great Konohamaru! The future Hokage and grandson to the Third!"

Naruto slapped his hands on his cheeks and made an O shape with his mouth. "You mean were."

"No I am his grandson." The boy argued back.

"No. Were."

"I am!"

"No you are not!"

"YES I AM!"

"NO YOU ARE NOT!"

"Why are you covered in blood?" The girl Moegi asked. "Is it because you fought against the enemy ninja?"

Naruto smiled and squatted down to her level and put evil ninja in his lap. "Well I'm glad you asked."

The three children sat down in a circle with Naruto who was very excited. He loved story time. "Well it all started a few hours ago when the enemy ninja started attacking. When I heard that my favourite missing ninja was in town I had to go see him, turns out he was fighting Jiji-"

"My Jiji" Konohamaru interrupted.

"Our Jiji. So I find myself face to face with the evil Sannin Orochimaru who like to pleasure himself with snakes."

The three kids wrinkled their faces in disgust. Udon's then changed his face to confusion. "What do you mean by pleasure? Does that mean he really likes snakes?"

"That and his own." The blonde laughed out loud falling on his back. "Anyway back to the story. I was face to face with Orochimaru and I saw _our_ Jiji on the ground. Orochi had killed him-"

"What!"

"Stop interrupting me Konohamaru!" Naruto yelled causing evil ninja to jump out of his grasp, but he quickly caught him.

Konohamaru stood up and had tear running down his face. "Jiji can't be dead. He's the Hokage, and they are invisible."

"Well obviously he wasn't invincible, this is all his blood." Naruto said while putting his hands on his hips. "I bet Hokage blood had better nutrients in it than any other blood."

Konohamaru bent over and threw up whatever was in his stomach. Moegi glared at Naruto and Udon just rubbed his friends back while a large booger hung from his nostril.

"Hey Udon..."

"W-what do yo-ou need N-Naru-to?" Udon couldn't even look him in the face.

"Can I touch that booger? I don't believe that it's real." Naruto pleaded.

"No."

Naruto stood up and pouted. Why was everyone in this village so boring? Why didn't they understand him? Only the grass would understand him, it's greenness brought him happiness that something was magical in this world. And grass was how cows got milk, they sucked the milk out of the grass like a straw. Straws were fun, little tubes that would transport your liquids. Ah what magic.

"Naruto we have been looking all over for you!" Sakura ran towards him with a worried look upon her face.

"Oh, I'm just sitting here with my new friends." Naruto replied.

Sakura walked forward looking around for somebody, but there was no one.

"You are stepping on them! Sakura get off them!"

"I'm not on anybody!" She yelled back.

"You stood on Rick and his family..." Naruto started to tear up. "Sakura, you didn't let me kill anyone during the exams, and here you are killing my only friends. Why?"

Sakura didn't know what to do, Naruto was sitting on a rock balling his eyes out because she killed his only friends? "Naruto, I'm your friend right?"

"I don't know, are you?" He looked up through blurry vision. "Danzo-Sama said we couldn't have friends, so I made friends with the grass and Juno baby."

Sakura then realized what was going on, the grass was his friends, she was standing on the grass. "Oh Naruto I'm sorry. I am your friend alright? Don't forget it." She smiled. "Now you need a bath, you can't walk around covered in blood forever."

"Did Gaara agree?"

"He did, now come along." She took the redhead by the hand and lead over to the house that Suna ninja stayed in when they visited Konoha. They went up to the bathroom where there was a large tub and Gaara was sitting on a chair with a bored look on his face.

"Get in the tub."

Naruto threw off his clothes and jumped in the tub and looked over to Gaara. "Are you getting in?"

"No. Turn around so I can wash all the blood out of your hair."

"You are a good brother Gaara." Naruto closed his eyes for a second. "Am I a good brother?"

"I you think you are then you are." Gaara replied pouring water over the blonde.

"I think I'm a bad brother, I always miss your birthday. I could give you evil Ninja!"

"I don't want your frog Naruto."

"Then can we go to the spa?" Naruto asked.

"Only if you leave your scythe behind." Gaara replied.

"No promises." He giggled and looked down at the water. "We might have to refill the tub, it looks like the trinity killer visited*." He giggled some more. "Hey Gaara can you turn around?"

"Why?"

"I want to see your sand dunes."

"Have you taken something recently to make you like this?"

"Mushrooms in the forest!"

It took a while for Gaara to wash Naruto, there was blood everywhere, but in the end underneath it all was a person. Just like everyone else, only a little different.

-Fizzydrink101


	8. Fishy

Hi friends, hope you are having a good week. Sorry for the stall and hello to all new reader!

-Enjoy

* * *

"Well Naruto, we are going on an adventure."

The blonde's eyes widened. He loved adventures. Especially when it involved blood and murder and any other deed that involved taking the life of somebody.

"Pervy Sage, what is our mission?" Naruto had a wide smile on his face while doing cartwheels in the grass friends. "I hope we get to kill people..."

"Nope, no killing, just a good old retrieval mission for our new Hokage." Jiraiya replied setting himself down on a rock my the grass patch Naruto was playing on. "I know that we just had the funeral yesterday, but Konoha can't go without a Hokage for too long."

"I don't really mind. Jiji was an old fart anyway." Naruto giggled and fell backwards onto the long grass. He then sat up with a concerned look on his face. "I'm sorry that was rude of me, he was your teacher and if my teacher died. Well I probably would give a shit but yeah, who am I?"

Jiraiya looked at Naruto as he sat there pondering, he had never seen the kid thinking that intensely before, but then again he hadn't been around Minato's kid for very long before.

"Are we going out of the village?" Naruto asked excited for the adventure that was to come. "I love going out of the village!"

Jiraiya raised an eyebrow to this, how often did Naruto leave the village? How many massacres did Naruto venture on?

"Naruto when did Danzo first approach you?" Jiraiya asked.

The boy sat there for a moment thinking. "Well it was my sixth birthday when I went to the white brick prison house, and I wasn't in there long till Danzo-Sama came to employ me. Want to hear about it?"

Jiraiya nodded. It would answer some questions that were circling around about Naruto.

* * *

It was cold in the room and there were no blankets. The people on white only came around to make him swallow tiny rocks. He didn't like the tiny rocks so he would pretend to swallow them and then flush them down the toilet to wherever it ended up. Until a certain day. The door opened and showed an old man with one eye wrapped up and he had only one arm showing.

"Uzumaki Naruto." He stared at the boy. He was covered in scars and there were tear tracks that ran down his whiskered cheeks. "I am Danzo, you may address me as Danzo-Sama and Danzo-Sama only. I'm going to take you away from here and teach you, you are now my property now brat so act like it."

The small boy wiped away his tears with the back of his hand. "I don't understand."

"You don't need to little Kyuubi. Follow me." Danzo then walked out of the room with a tiny blonde following behind him. They went down countless flights of stairs and down long tunnels until they reached a large and open room. Someone came up to him with a mask that was bright orange and in the shape of a fox. It was secured to his face but slipped a little due to how small he was. Danzo sighed muttering that it would have to do.

"He hasn't had any training yet so that will fall to the elder group of the trainers. I want this boy to be a killing machine as quickly as possible. Get him ready for tonight." Danzo then walked away not looking back at the group that had gathered.

Somebody came up to the boy and lifted him on their lap. "We will get you dressed and then head out just after dark."

It wasn't long until the small boy was dressed and had his mask secured over his small face. They were at the back gate the man who helped him get dressed told him to hop on his back and to not let go. They ran off and it seemed like forever when the running stopped. The boy was set down on the ground and screams filled the air. The man took ahold of the pale small hand and led him over to the town centre where there were many people gathered. One man in particular was set out from the rest.

"You have not paid the taxes on the day we set for you, we told you last time there would be consequences." One of the masked men that was in a shake of a bear stepped forward to one of the prisoners. "Are you ready to pay for your disobedience?"

Bear looked to the side. "I will take the consequences, but please leave the others alone."

Bear mask nodded. "Kyuubi come forward."

The boy was pushed forward in the direction of the village leader. "A boy?"

Bear laughed and crouched boy to the leader's face. "That's no boy, that's a monster." He then took his katana out of his stealth and handed it to the boy. To the monster. "Kill him Kyuubi, cut his neck open and let all his blood spill out on the ground."

The boy shook his head and took a step back. This angered Bear, he walked up to the boy and roughly grabbed his upper arm tugging him towards the leader. "Do you want Danzo-Sama to get mad at you. His punishments aren't so nice."

The man that the boy was carried on came forward. He crouched down and tilted his head. "Are you cold little fox?"

The boy nodded.

"Would you like to become warm?" He asked another question.

Again the boy nodded.

The man took the small boy's hand that still held the sharp weapon. "I'll let you in on a secret, cut across the neck, but do it with force so it's not too painful for this nice old man alright?"

The boy walked up to the man and placed the sharp object up to the man's neck. Tears then started running down his cheeks but the man then spoke to him.

"Don't worry little one, I forgive you." And at that moment the boy sliced through the flesh. Blood then poured down the boy's hands. He turned to the man and stood up his whole front now covered in blood.

"Are you cold little fox?"

The boy shook his head. "Its warm." he then watched as the liquid ran off his finger tips and into the grass. It mesmerized him to watch the moonlight illuminate it.

Bear chuckled from behind him and nodded. "Take the rest of their lives, but save the young ones."

The boy nodded and smiled under his mask. He never wanted to be cold ever again.

* * *

"Pervy Sage are we going now? I'm bored." Naruto whinned and turned around to face his sensei.

"Let's get going, I want to get out of here by dark." Jiraiya stood up from the rock he was seated on.

The two finally got off the road and started their journey to find the new Hokage. It wasn't long before Naruto got bored and started to go all weird. First he stopped walking on the ground and only walked on the tree branches and rocks claiming the the rest of the ground was lava and Jiraiya was going to die a horrible fiery death. Jiraiya wanted the boy to come down so he could teach him a jutsu but Naruto wouldn't have it.

"Come on Naruto, It's a very powerful jutsu, the fourth invented it." Jiraiya said hoping for the boy to come down from the trees.

Naruto just giggled. "Gotta hide Pervy Sage. I can smell the fishy."

Yet another sentence that puzzled the older man. It seemed like there was no way to deceiver what the boy said until whatever he was rambling about came to pass. Fish though? Seemed weird, but Naruto had cut off all ways of detecting him. Jiraiya had no idea what the kid was doing but he just kept on walking hoping to get away from all this fish talk, it was making him quite hungry.

"Is the fish gone Naruto?"

"Yep! Fishy is gone, but the lava is not! Pervy sage I can see you burning!" Naruto yelling from the tree tops. "Don't die sensei!"

"What an idiot." Jiraiya muttered to himself as he kept walking.

It didn't take too long but they seemed to reach a spot where they would stay for the night before getting to Tsunade the next day. They rented out their room and Jiraiya announced that he was off to find information, but Naruto giggled knowing that the older man was off to get woman, but he didn't really care. Fishy was coming and he really hated fishy.

"I'll be back soon blondey." Jiraiya waved and left the room.

Naruto yawned and laid down on the bed hoping to get a little shut eye before Jiraiya got back. In the land of dreams he was met with his only friend. Himself.

His dreams were never black, ever since that night he had always dreamed. Some times it was of Gaara, or Danzo-Sama, but most of the time it was just him in a wide open space that seemed to go on forever. He could only see white but there was a dark misty corner but no matter how hard he ran he could never quite reach it. He didn't know why, it seemed as though something was holding him back.

All of a sudden he was awoken from a hard slap on his cheek. Looking around he saw that he was no longer in the hotel room, but in a forest with what looked to be Iwa Ninja. He giggled as he recognised the same ones from before.

"We looked in your house but you weren't there. Trying to escape?" Shorty asked.

Naruto shook his head and then patted the dirt off his butt with a sneeze.

"Should we tie him up?" One asked.

"Tie me up? Why?" Naruto asked. "I thought we are going to Iwa, it would be harder for me to walk if my hands were tied up."

"I told you he was crazy." Someone muttered.

Something then caught Naruto's attention. He sniffed around and smiled. "Fishy."

"What's fishy?"

Naruto giggled. "Not you silly." It seemed as though the small boy couldn't contain his laughter and pointed to a poorly lit path. "Him."

The Iwa ninja looked over and saw two faint outlines getting bigger. Some of the rock nin were getting uncomfortable. They didn't know who the figures were and there nerves seemed to grow. And those vernes only intensified when they saw who had arrived.

Laced in black and red cloaks and straw hats. It seemed that the Akatsuki had arrived.

Naruto waved at the duo. "Hi fishy!"

A laugh came from the taller of the pair. "Hello little Kyuubi."

A frown appeared on the blondes face. "Dumb fish, it's Naruto. Uzumaki Naruto, Believe it!"

"The message?" The smaller one asked.

"Signed, sealed, and delivered!" Naruto giggled. "What are you two doing here, I'm trying to be captured by some Iwa ninja at the momento."

"What Iwa ninja?"

Looking around it seemed as though the rock nin had made a run for it while they could.

"Aw man." Naruto looked over at the duo. "So what are you guys doing?"

"We came to collect you, so we can get your little tennant." Fishy said taking the large wrapped object off his back. The blondes eyes widened a little.

"Wow, compensating for something?" Naruto giggled as the blue man took off his hat with a smirk.

"I hear you have one too." Fishy handed his hat to his partner and got down into a stance. Itachi sighed. "You did know that he is mine to acquire right?"

Kisame nodded. "Of course, I'm just getting him warmed up for you. Get ready brat."

Naruto giggled and got down in a stance with his fists out, but before Kisame could ever strike with Samehada Naruto's arm went limp and he wined.

"Kid I haven't even touched you yet."

Naruto waved him off. "I know i know. It's not me, Juno wants to come out and fight." And out came Juno from a seal on his pale arm.

Kisame chuckled to himself. "Compensating for something?"

"You wish."

-Fizzydrink101


	9. Daddy Kisame and the Iwa ninjas!

Again this **won't be yaoi** for those who don't embrace the gay, there's just a lot of subtext for those who want it. It's a bit short but it's better than nothing! ;)

Also I have a link here to a government petition to officially recognize the KKK as on official terrorist group. I think these guys need to go in my opinion so pm me if you want it. I can't put links on here.

-Enjoy

* * *

"Hit me harder Daddy." Naruto giggled as he jumped off the ground normally missing Kisame's sword.

"Brat, what did you just call me?" Kisame yelled, he was ticked that Naruto wasn't taking the fight seriously.

"Need some help Kisame?" Itachi asked from the sidelines. The Raven haired teen was pretty laid back, he didn't think that Naruto could kill his partner and they needed Naruto alive for the extraction to work. So he was fine sitting off to the side my himself, there was a small turtle off to the side, he liked turtles, turtles were cute.

"No I don't need help, but did you hear what he just called me?" Kisame steamed. "Itachi he called my Daddy!"

Itachi chuckled, the Kyuubi container was entertaining to be around. The first time they met Naruto had fallen in love with Kisame's sword, there wasn't much to be done but Itachi had asked Naruto to do a small favour for him. If the blonde was to ever come across Sasuke, he was to relay the message that he loved him. Apparently it had been signed sealed and delivered.

"Do you want me to call you something else Fishy?" Naruto asked standing up straight as he quickly cracked his back.

"My name is Kisame brat."

"Naruto!" A very far off voice called.

Both fighting participants craned their head to see who was yelling, The sight they saw was Jiraiya running full speed towards the group with a face of determination plastered hard on his face.

"Pervy Sage!" Naruto jumped up and waved at the older man, bad news for Naruto Kisame took the opportunity and hit Naruto full force with his sword sending the small blonde right through the trees.

"Take that brat." Kisame yelled as Itachi went to pick up the barely conscious boy.

"Ow, that hurt." Naruto carefully rubbed his head, blue cerulean eyes clouded and dazed from pain.

"She's nice and full just from that one hit, no wonder she likes you brat." Kisame smirked stealthing the gigantic lady sword.

"Probably best to get going before Jiraiya catches up." Itachi said placing the young boy in the Tsukuyomi (It's the genjutsu Itachi used on Kakashi and Sasuke if you need reminding.) knowing that the boy was probably enjoying himself in the twisted reality.

"Unhand him." Jiraiya sneered getting into a defencive position.

"No can do Jiraiya the toad sage. He is needed for bigger things." Kisame patted Naruto's head hoping to get a rise out of the older man. It worked.

Jiraiya snapped placing his hands reading a Jutsu, but he stopped when he saw Naruto poof out of existence. It was a clone.

"Where is he?" Kisame yelled looking around. The brat would be in for it when they found him.

Jiraiya was also confused but Itachi had a small smirk on his face. "What are you smirking about Itachi?"

"Well, when we first found him he was with a small group of Iwa ninja." Itachi explained.

Jiraiya paled. He tricked the Akatsuki and instead of running to safety he ran to Iwa of all places! What on earth was that idiot thinking?

 **Somewhere of in Iwa**

"So what does Iwa look like?" Naruto asked kicking another rock off to side side in pure Iwa ninja weren't much fun to be around.

"Rocks rocks and more rocks." One answered.

"You guys are so boring." Naruto whinned turning to the ninja. To the Ninja's surprise his face morphed into one of pain. "Ouch ouch ouch."

"What's wrong kid?"

"I think my clone dispelled." The blonde rubbed his head with a small giggle. "Oh that's a nice image. I'll have to thank Itachi later."

"What did you see?"

Naruto giggled even move, he then bit down on his lip causing a bit of blood to flow, but Naruto quickly licked it up. "Tsukuyomi."

Only the ones in the group who knew what it was cringed.

"Maybe I can ask Sasuke to learn it. It's quite enjoyable." Naruto muttered to himself.

A scream surfaced in front of them and a woman stood with her hands to her mouth. "It's the yellow flash!"

Naruto grinned. "Not quite, but hello!"

More people came out of there houses to see what the commotion was about. Some of the villagers scowled in disgust and others turned away not wanting to deal with it. There were only a few daring enough to come up close to him. One older man gripped his chin an examined his face.

"Strange markings." He muttered. "Who ordered him here?"

"The Tsuchikage did."

Naruto was then pushed to the ground face first, a hand keeping him there. "My grandfather brought a monster into this village."

"Honorable Granddaughter!"

"Don't call me that." The girl snapped.

"I'm sorry Kurotsuchi. Your Grandfather ordered us to bring our prisoner once we arrived."

Slowly Naruto's face was lifted from the ground and he saw the girl that pinned him to the ground. "What? You sore?" She asked.

"Nope." He giggled. "So you are Kurotsuchi? We've meet before ya know."

Kurotsuchi raised an eyebrow at the young boy in front of her. She would have remembered meeting a blonde ninja like this one, his featured weren't exactly common. "I doubt that."

Naruto sighed and rubbed some of the gravel that was on the streets. "No one does until they see this!" He whipped out the fox mask that was usually on his face. "Remember now?"

Kurotsuchi took a step back. Yes she remembered this ninja, now she knew the face under the mask. The time they meet she was a fresh genin and at the time her team had run into some strange Konoha ninja that came to talk to her sensei. Amongst the ranks was a small boy with a fox mask. She went up to talk to him but he kept scratching his arms, they were bleeding but it still didn't stop him. She ran forward and grabbed his hands telling him to stop. She couldn't see his eyes but shivers ran down her spine.

"Why should I stop? I'm cold." He replied.

"You'll bleed to death." Kurotsuchi tried to tell him. Even if he was a Konoha ninja she didn't like to see someone so young in so much pain.

"Little fox what are you doing?" Kurotsuchi looked up and saw a masked man crouch down beside them both.

"I'm cold Oppa." The boy replied looking down at his bloodied arms.

"Little fox, if you're cold go find other people to keep you warm." And with that the man walked off.

* * *

"Little fox?" Kurotsuchi looked at the blonde.

"There you are brat!" Many heads turned to see a fuming Kisame trudge through the streets sword out and ready to kill.

"Up to fight cutie?" Naruto asked tilting his head to the side.

Kurotsuchi nodded and ordered the other Shinobi to help out and to go find her Grandfather.

"Your prank was funny but you'll pay for wasting my time!" Kisame yelled getting closer causing a few Iwa ninja to shift back in fear.

"You would have found out sooner if you had hit me harder Daddy!" Naruto giggled pulling out Juno giving the scythe a seductive lick making many who saw this act uncomfortable.

"I'll kill you bratt!"

-Fizzydrink101


	10. Dysfunctional family punishment

So I decided that these chapters are going to be short. I just want something short that makes you smile. Plus I'm kinda focused on my other one for long chapters. I hope this doesn't take away from the story too much, think of as short and sweet, but the one year mark is coming up so I'll do a long one for that. ;)

-Enjoy

* * *

"I'll kill you brat!" Kisame yelled charging forward. He had his sword out and he was very ready to strike the small blonde down. "You think your so funny don't you?"

"Is Daddy going to punish me?" Naruto asked rubbing himself against Juno. "Don't ground me! I only wanted to see Iwa, I'll come home!"

Kurotsuchi stared at the boy, he didn't seem like this when she met him. Now he was just crazy. "Naruto keep him distracted from the front, I'll get behind him alright?"

Naruto nodded. He had always wanted to try a threesome. "Mother Itachi wouldn't punish me as harsh as you do." He pouted.

"It doesn't help like you enjoy the punishment." The voice of Itachi came from behind Kisame. He walked slowly and sighed sitting himself of the ground. "And why am I the mother?"

"I want to fight my Mother, not you Daddy." Naruto said stomping over to Itachi.

"Don't encourage this behaviour Itachi! I want a fight!" Kisame yelled.

Itachi smirked, he liked seeing his partner get a little riled up once and awhile. A little payback for being a horrible partner was needed. "Would you like me to braid your hair Naruto?"

Naruto jumped happily into Itachi's lap. "Yes please, it's kinda long huh?"

"It's almost past your shoulders now, would you like me to cut it for you?" Itachi asked running his hands through the blonde hair, Naruto leaning into his touch.

"Hmm, I think I'll keep it for a little while longer. I want Gaara to cut it for me." Naruto replied.

"Gaara? The one tailed?" Kisame asked aloud.

"Yeah, are you guys hunting him too?" Naruto winced when Itachi pulled his hair just a little too hard. The older boy muttering an apology.

"He's not ours to claim." Kisame muttered. "So are you coming 'Home' with us Naruto."  
"After Iwa." Naruto smiled as Kurotsuchi came up behind Kisame and delivered a hard punch causing the fish man to stumble a bit.

"Bitch." Kisame grunted and looked at the blonde who was a giggling mess on Itachi's lap. "Was this your plan?"

Naruto shook his head and pointed to Kurotsuchi who was behind the trio accompanied by a large force of Iwa ninja and the kage.

"Oh no. Iwa Kage is here." Naruto giggled getting up from Itachi's lap and giving Kisame an unexpected kuni in the butt. "Kisame has a poisoned butt now."

"He poisoned me?" Kisame asked pulling the kunai out of his backside with a grunt. "He poisoned me Itachi!"

"Maybe you should have hit him harder." Itachi smirked slightly seeing Kisame become more ticked off by the second. "Why do you punish your son so lightly?"

"Hello Iwa kage!" Naruto bowed to the tiny old man.

"This is the child?" Onoki asked.

"Yes sir, it seemed that on our way back here we were approached by these two men." A ninja informed. "They are from the Akatsuki, the group Deidra defected to."

"Don't mention that traitor around here!" Onoki growled. "Let's get rid of these two, is there anyone else I should be worried about?"

"Uh, um, well..."

"Spit it out!"

"Jiraiya the toad sage was traveling with the boy."

Onoki sighed, so he had two Kage level missing nin and a sannin. This kid was more trouble than he was worth. He didn't really know what he was going to do with the boy, get some Konoha secretes out of him. Maybe torture him a bit? It seemed that the kid was crazy enough.

"You smell nice mr Kage." Naruto said standing right beside the man. "Jiji smelled nicer when he was covered in blood."

"Brat, who said you could smell me?" Onoki smacked the boy over his head with a large rock. "I'm not your grandfather either."

"Well Jiji wasn't my grandfather, and besides, why can't you be my new grandfather? Jiji is dead now." Naruto asked.

Onoki thought for a second. Was this 'Jiji' the boy was talking about be the recently deceased Hokage? Either way he just wanted the kid gone. "I'm not going to be your grand that you brat, now go back to Konoha. You cause way too much trouble."

Naruto sighed crossing his arms with a huff. "I thought Iwa was going to be fun.

"Yeah well go fight back in Konoha, I just want you gone." Onoki rubbed his temples trying to ease the raging headache that he was having. "And you two!" He pointed to both Itachi and Kisame. "Go fight outside of Iwa! I'm done with your organization! Out!"

Kisame smirked. "Gladly." Then grabbed Naruto by his collar and started dragging him out of the village and off to the nearest hideout. "Come on 'son'."

"I'm so glad that you finally stepped up to take your role as father." Naruto cried fake tears while putting a hand to his heart. "Just remember that you butt has been poisoned."

Kisame was one hundred percent ready to kill the boy there, but Itachi put a hand on his shoulder restraining him. "It wouldn't be right to punish in public."

Naruto laughed, he loved doing roleplay. Even if Kisame hated the idea of being fake married to Itachi, everyone knew we was into buns and not hotdogs.

"Just wait till Leader-sama hears about this one." Itachi smirked.

Oh this was going to be a long trip back.

-Fizzydrink101


	11. Dysfunctional family road trip

Hello everyone! I'm sorry for not updating in like almost a year been a busy. Anyway thank you so much for your reviews i probably wouldn't have updated this story if there hadnt been reviews telling me how much you enjoyed this story. I don't really know about this chapter its really out there but hopefully the next one will be a little more constructed. thank you so much for reading this if you are still following it!

-Enjoy

* * *

"Are we there yet?" Naruto asked again for what seemed to be the seven hundredth time in Kisame's view.

"I swear if you ask again I'll kill you right here." Kisame growled slapping the boy on the head quite harshly.

Itachi sighed watching the two, he had thought it would be fun to act along and rille up his partner, but even he had a limit and Naruto was testing it.

The group of three were walking walking at quite the fast pace, and thankfully Itachi knew that they were close to their destination after three full days of their travel. The scenery slowly changed as they walked. It went from rocks, to lush grass and trees, to hard rain, but the group never stopped walking. Although that was about to change in the near future.

A loud snap caught the attention of the blue man, who swiveled around to see a small boy flopped in the middle of the path they were walking on. The boy had bright blonde hair and was wearing a black zip up with a pink stripe.

"What is it now?" Itachi asked. "I just want to get back to the hideout."

"Have we been followed?" Kisame asked himself. "His chakra only just appeared."

Itachi walked towards the boy who was pushing himself off the ground.

Blue eyes met black. The boy gasped. "Mr Uchiha I'm so sorry, I know you told me not to but... Yeah. Um. I guess you're going to take me home now right. Considering it didn't work."

Itachi raised an eyebrow as Kisame boasted a laugh. "Look kid, this ain't no Mr Uchiha. How did you even get here in the first place?"

The boy continued to look around until his eyes landed on Naruto. "Your Uzumaki Naruto?"

Naruto smiled and skipped up to the boy. "That me!" The the smile seemed to slip into a face full of confusion. "But who are you?"

"Yes, who is this mysterious boy who appeared out of nowhere." Itachi drew out his words in a long sigh.

"Itachi can we keep him? Please please please?" Naruto got down on the ground by the blonde and started patting him on the head.

"Itachi?" The boy asked out loud. "You're not Sasuke?"

Naruto looked up. "Sasuke is still at the village... Itachi and Daddy Kisame are taking me on a road trip."

"I guess it worked for real then." The boy stood up and pointed to himself. "My name is Uzumaki Boruto!"

The three ninjas stood there just watching the boy. Kisame had a face of pure confusion, his shark like head was tilted to the side and his eyebrows were knitted together. Itachi wasn't looking any better.

Naruto had a question. "I don't remember having a sibling."

Boruto smirked. "That's because I'm your son."

"My son?" Naruto asked.

Boruto nodded his head. "I wanted to know if you were really like everyone said you were when you were young... But you don't look like it."

Kisame smiled wide. "Naruto, this is your son. Your a daddy now."

Naruto's eyes widened. "I'm a Daddy? You're a grandpa?"

"I don't see this Naruto ever having children though let alone having sex." Itachi thought out loud.

Boruto was wringing his hands out. "Itachi , sir, um I know this is my dad, but i dont think its the right one."

Naruto whined still hanging onto the boy who claimed to be his son. "But I want a son Itachi."

"You can have a son when we make it back to the hideout." The raven haired teen replied. "But we'll probably have to kill this one here, we don't need any more setbacks."

"No, no sir you don't have to kill me." Boruto was shaking his hands taking a few steps back in the harsh gravel.

Naruto giggled hearing the crunching sound that came from beneath the second blondes shoe. It sounded like bones crunching under pressure, something the blonde enjoyed hearing after a hard day at work. "Little boruto might want to run away." Naruto was biting at his nails waiting for one of his parents to strike. "Unless-"

But Naruto wasn't able to complete his sentence, for another man came out of nowhere. His hair was a short blonde and he wore orange clothing and a red and white cape.

"Itachi and Kisame." The man sneered.

"D-Dad. This isn't the right you." Boruto whispered clutching his dad's clothing tightly.

Older Naruto took a look at the younger him and noticed the differences. It wasn't him, he didn't see the burning will of fire in those dead eyes.

Kisame growled. "I don't even know what is going on anymore!" He took out it sword at pointed it at the new comers. "You have two seconds to leave from wherever you came from or I'm going to kill you and feed your guts to this fat guppie."

"I'm not a fat guppie." Naruto pouted.

The older version of Naruto nodded quickly, took Boruto, and then disappeared.

Itachi rubbed his forehead with a big sigh. "What the fuck."

"Can we go to the hideout now? I want my son." Naruto bounced up and down.

"I can't wait to get to the hideout to kill you." Kisame huffed out. "This hasn't been worth it."

Itachi shook his head and motioned for Naruto to get up on his back. "We gotta get moving, the sage is still chasing us and we have wasted enough time here."

So the three carried on their way, they stayed hidden in the shadows to avoid anymore confrontation. All the while Itachi was describing to Naruto what his son looked like. He too was blonde, loved to play with clay, and most importantly. Loved hugs.

\- Fizzydrink101


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